I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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