Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
