at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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