did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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