Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
