There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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