So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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