so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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