I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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