at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
