i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I need water and some morals
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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