Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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