i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
