Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
