Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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