dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
