lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
