i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
