He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
