i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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