I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
and you fell through a lawn chair
Randomize
