so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
