I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize