If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
