Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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