The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
