is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
