thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Bring me that man meat
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
