just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
