I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
What a fucking waste of an outfit
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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