remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
is that a dick in a sweater?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
