It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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