Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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