I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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