Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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