Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
