Michael Bay diarrhea
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
