i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
