why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
