so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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