Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
