i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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