I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
