is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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