I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
