Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
