So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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