I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize