You smell like stripper and shame
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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