and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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