Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
