some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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