That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
