somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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