just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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