Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Randomize
