Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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