please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I could make wine with my vomit
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
