Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
