I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
