I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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