somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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