I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
