I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
