he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
