My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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