why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
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