hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
