Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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