he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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