My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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