Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
organizing the empties. That sober.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
