You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
