so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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