I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
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