I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
