dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
