don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
