I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
