its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
