Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Randomize
