Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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