No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
