Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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