Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
