dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
