I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
is it fun? or sober?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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