he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
