Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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