Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
