Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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