Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
