threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
