No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
