i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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