All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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